A Smashing Love Story
by Dogs Bower
Summary: Gordon Freeman has a very bizarre romantic encounter, among other things. Feel free to NOT leave a review.


This did not have any title. I named it **A Smashing Love Story.**

Late one evening, Gordon Freeman was walking towards Nova Prospekt, tired from a long day spent taking a shower with Doctor Kleiner. Gordon Freeman sighed, exhausted but unwilling to sleep. Recently his nights had been filled with vivid dreams of masturbating G Man, stroking his gorgeous scrotum with his nipples. Mmm, thinking about G Man was having an immediate effect on Gordon Freeman's anatomy. He loosened his clothes to stroke lightly at his nipples, and was just starting to enjoy it when Doctor Kleiner came suddenly into sight. Thinking fast, Gordon Freeman ducked silently into the toilet.

As Doctor Kleiner went on his way, Gordon Freeman paused to look around and realized that he wasn't alone. G Man was there beside him. He was about to speak, when he realized that G Man hadn't noticed his arrival. For good reason! G Man was sprawled half naked at Gordon Freeman's feet, groaning as though engaged in a bout of sucking and rubbing his scrotum vigorously. Gordon Freeman blushed and waited for G Man to finish, not quite resisting the urge to touch his own scrotum in sympathy. Finally G Man's back arched and he climaxed loudly, crying out 'Gordon Freeman!' Gordon Freeman coughed.

'What are you doing here?' G Man said.

'I was just passing.' Gordon Freeman replied with an unconvincing smile.

'Oh well, I suppose you had to find out eventually.'

'Find out what?'

'That ever since we met I've been dashing in here to play with my scrotum and pretend you were doing it.' G Man sighed, but didn't look too upset, perhaps because he'd spotted Gordon Freeman plucking thoughtfully at his own scrotum. Gordon Freeman felt suddenly bold.

'Touching your own scrotum is nice,' he said, 'but wouldn't you rather rub it against my nipples?' G Man's eyes grew huge.

'Of course, but I thought you wouldn't be interested.'

'What made you think that?'

'I've seen the nude photomanips of Mama Freeman that you keep your cabin.'

'Oh, that. No, I made them for Doctor Kleiner so he'd have something to do other than taking a shower with me.'

'What's wrong with taking a shower?'

'Nothing, I'd just rather have a night of masturbating with you.'

Meanwhile . . .

. . . Alex Vance was hanging around Doctor Breen's bedroom when she heard a sudden cry from the direction of Nova Prospekt. Snapping immediately to alertness, she leapt up and dashed towards the sound. It sounded as though G Man was in serious danger! Within seconds, she'd almost reached the source of the cries. She dashed forward only to reel back at the sight of Gordon Freeman and G Man naked in front of her. Gordon Freeman was sprawled over G Man, trying to pull some sort of cactus out of his mouth!

'What's going on?' she said, shocked.

Gordon Freeman looked worried.

'This was masturbating G Man,' he said, 'when he asked me to use the cactus on him. I did, but then it got stuck.'

'It didn't mean stick it into my mouth, G Man complained, 'it's supposed to be used on your butt hole.' Gordon Freeman tried to pull the cactus out again, and G Man groaned and kicked him.

Alex Vance looked down at the struggling men. She felt slightly jealous. After all, she'd often wanted to try a little masturbating with Gordon Freeman herself. Still, G Man looked so helpless with the abused cactus sticking out of his mouth that she couldn't remain angry for long.

'Perhaps I should help,' she offered 'After all, it can't stay there forever.' Gordon Freeman looked up at her with a combination of embarrassment and gratitude..

'I'll hold G Man by the torso while you grab hold of the cactus.'

Nodding, Alex Vance knelt and took hold of the cactus. It was slightly warm, as though Gordon Freeman had been using it on his nipples.

'Pull!' Gordon Freeman shouted.

'Ouch!' G Man cried as the cactus came out with a loud squish.

'Thank you Alex Vance,' Gordon Freeman and G Man both said at once.

'No problem,' Alex Vance said with a grin. 'Would you mind if I kept the cactus as a souvenir?'

'Yes, I would,' G Man said. 'I'm using it on Gordon Freeman tomorrow.'

'Ah well,' Alex Vance said, regretfully. She gave a last saucy wink to Gordon Freeman and headed off in the direction of Doctor Breen's bedroom. She'd be thinking about Gordon Freeman and the warm cactus for a long time to come.

**THE END. **Written with Blake 7's very funny slash generator.

I removed and re-uploaded this because I wanted to get rid of the reviews. I apologize for acting up in the reviews. I simply was adding to the humor of the flames because I was bored. I really don't actually have anything against this game. I simply don't like it because I don't play these kinds of games, but my friends do. And it's just really funny when people get angry enough to start screaming at each other over a fanfic obviously made in a joking manner.**  
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